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Fecha: 21/11/17 - 09:29 am Título: Introducción

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Fecha: 01/11/17 - 07:37 am Título: Introducción

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Remitente: Luna negra Firmado [Reporta esto]
Fecha: 12/09/10 - 12:18 am Título: Encuentros y reencuentros 1ra Parte

Una vez más, no dejes esos espacios en blanco!! La lectura se me vuelve tediosa!! Y no por ser fastidio, pero de verdad corrige ese error antes de subir el segundo cap! 

 



Respuesta del autor: Ya está reeditado. Aunque en los capítulos que he subido luego de este he eliminado los espacios en blaco, editando en espacio sencillo.

Remitente: Luna negra Firmado [Reporta esto]
Fecha: 12/09/10 - 12:09 am Título: Introducción

Si, si tu quieres, me encantaría ser tu beta

Respuesta del autor:

Ok. ¿Trato hecho entonces?

Mi correo es original_sasuke_uchiha@hotmail.com

Remitente: Luna negra Firmado [Reporta esto]
Fecha: 30/08/10 - 12:37 am Título: Introducción

Bueno, me pediste que pasara a leer tu historia y así lo hice.

Sólo un detalle corrige el error con el que has subido los parrafos de la historia ya que hay amplios y molestos espacios en blanco entre cada parrafo de la historia. Si estás describiendo toda la historia no es necesario que entre cada parrafo dejes varios renglones, narrala completa y sin espacios. 

Otra cuestión es el hecho de que hayas hecho las descripciones de los personajes previo al prologo de la historia. Concidero que es mejor hacer las presentaciones como para de la historia, me refiero a presentar a los personajes a medida que aparecen, ya que se torna dificultoso recordar tantos personajes y es algo pesado estar regresando al primer cap. para saber de que personaje se está hablando, y sus detalles. 

El hecho de los describas a medida que transcurre la historia le facilita al lector memorizar algunos rasgos "caracteristicos" de cada personaje con lso cuales podrá, además del nombre, reconocerlo a lo largo de tu narración. 

Un cuestión más es lo que te refieres a capítulos "largos", un capitulo no vale por su extensión sino por la idea que narra en su interior, como podrás notar los capitulos de Pasión Felina varian desde 1000 hasta 4000 palabras, pero todos tienen en si un tema propio que coincide con su antecedente y desvela la continuación de su precedente. 

El tema de la historia parece interesante, sólo que necesitarías corregir esos detalles, puedes hacer un prologo, pero por prologo se entiende algo que quizás no supere las 500 palabras, ya que bien usado el termino es "la introducción", quizás presentando algunos ambientes, pero de modo muy superficial, ya que la profundidad en la presentación de los espacios y demás se realiza a lo largo de una narración, para no generar un texto tan sobre cargado de detalles que se vuelva tedioso de memorizar para cualquier lector. 

Bueno te he dejado mi primer comentario, espero que corrijas esos detalles, y estaré encantada de continuar siguiendo tu historia como has seguido la mía hasta ahora. 

saludos, luna negra.  



Respuesta del autor:

gracias, muchas gracias por tus recomendaciones. Te gustaria ser mi beta?

 

Estoy esperando tu comentario del segundo capi.

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